BITTERSWEET MELANCHOLY

Oh, how I would like to tread the old days once more!

Turn the wheels only to be transported to a different moment.

Like a shipwrecked sailor washed ashore,

As the sun overshadows the ephemeral present.

It is quite a preposterous thought,

Looking at this state of naïveté and uncertainty with longing.

To when I would embrace willows to keep them from crying,

And comforted others so they would not feel what I once sought and never got.

A sorrowful nostalgia overpowers me each time I remember it so vividly:

Baking cakes, giggling as if life could be loved even in the bleak late hours;

Sharing everything with those who became scattered ashes near blooming flowers.

A time when I was brave enough to feel deeply, to care unconditionally.

How easy would it be to enjoy the simplest of things?

Giggling and running under the rain, as if I could go anywhere with imaginary wings.

Lying down lazily, singing under the pale moonlight in the summer.

Genuinely capable of forgiveness and starting over.

But would I really be willing to live that all over again?

A purgatory ensuring insidious punishments become infernal,

Or am I cruelly deluded by my mind's twisted picture of the past?

Did I even experience real happiness, or is the pain all that will ever last?

Through books I discovered wonders,

Explored worlds through blurring letters,

Basking in the ecstasy of wild imagination turning into a possibility

When I needed rest from the overdoses of bitter reality.

Childhood may seem joyful in retrospection,

But then why dream of whimsical havens, 

Praying to leave for a far-away island, or tending to magical gardens?

How much misery does it take for escaping to be seen like a sweet salvation?