WISHFUL REMEMBRANCES: A SHORT STORY

She was a young woman, gentle both in speech and manners. Always carrying herself with a characteristic calm demeanour that did not do justice to that strong, fierce nature underneath, a coveted steadiness and resilience akin to that of mallows.

A free spirit whose radiance and emotion could not ever be contained. Gifted with a creativity that allowed her to see no limits and, consequently, lines blurred more often than not. 

Prone to rest her head on the clouds above, that restless mind was an egregious maze replete with safeguarded dreams.

Full of such lovely grace was she; like lavender flowers swaying with the chilly breeze grazing over the meadows, conveying secret whispers, forcing you to carry the weight of old memories.

He was like no other she had had the pleasure to make the acquaintance of before in her short life. Such an enigmatic conundrum, as cunning and tenacious as dark orchids, with a wise air to him that granted him the power of sensibility. He and asters, both possessing that confidence and enervating obstinacy for which he could not be swayed.

Some had told her he was conveniently perfect; others that he might be a perfidious influence on her and become a distraction in due course.

She did not heed any of those unsolicited utterances, merely humming softly in response, offering them a misleading nod, as if promptly resolved to make a decision that would quench their aggravating noise. Unfortunately for them, she could not fathom a better companion than him or imagine someone who could even come close to making her feel everything and nothing at once.

If presented with the situation of having to entrust her life to anyone, she would not deem any possibility other than confiding everything to him. Only him. The entirety of her being was solely his, and it would remain that way for years to come. 

And love can be such a beautiful gift, an empowering state that rivals any other. 

But oh, how cruel can the little thing be when it becomes a fierce, relentless curse.

For one day, you feel its fervor, you almost sound sure when you convince yourself you will never lose it. It will last forever, no? 

That is when you see it crumble before your very own eyes, turning into dusty sand, slipping through your hands as if it had never even been there in the first place. And like any stealthy misery, it strikes when you least expect it. 

But tell me, how could I see it? I was in love after all, my darling. Of course, I could not foresee how the essence of my soul would cease to exist from that day onwards:

It was a magnificent, balmy day in the countryside of her hometown when they found themselves sitting on the grass, on a nice, ample picnic blanket she had enthusiastically laid out. They were both surrounded by the cocooning embrace of nature. Tall trees that seemed to touch the sky, and the soothing, cascading sounds of water streams flowing through a river nearby. The lullaby of little birds chirping, awaiting the sunrise, as if each day was motive enough for celebration to them. They could always start them singing merrily, starting anew despite the odds.

A few villagers were already out and about this early in the morning, mainly to profit from the nice weather and enjoy the sun after a harsh winter. Everyone was acquainted with each other, and it was quite challenging to go unnoticed in this area.

The girl glanced at those gelid blueish eyes that could halt her entire life in a swift motion. It did not matter, nonetheless, because each time she purposely stared into them, she could see that spark, that reverence and utmost care that were only directed at her, those two tempestuous, cool worlds she was so enraptured with. He had fair skin and sharp facial features that could cut like paper. Yet his words always managed to cut deeper than any flimsy page anyway.

“I wish you came here more often.”, the girl spoke in a low tone, just as she cast her gaze upon the bright skyline.

At that instant, a couple of elders were passing alongside a craggy path, strolling with no haste. They spotted the girl and smiled warmly, waving at her from a distance. She smiled slightly and waved back politely. To be fair, she did not feel like smiling at that moment, but contrary to other inhabitants around there, she did enjoy their company and even chose to engage freely in deep conversation with them whenever they crossed paths, so she made a tiny extra effort. 

Shortly after, the couple set back on their tracks, walking away. The girl then looked down, bringing her legs to her chest and resting her chin gently on her bare knees. Her white dress was sprawling on the blanket. 

He was staring at her, not sliding his gaze anywhere else. His hand almost reached out to caress her cheek, but he restrained himself at the last second. He couldn’t. He sighed, setting his gaze on the sky as well, and said, resuming their conversation, “You know I can’t.”

She nods slowly, mildly resigned at this tiring recurrent topic, silently looking at the ethereal scenery before them, the precious sunrise in all its splendor.

Soon enough, a single tear descended through her right cheek, the small crystalline pearl leaving its humid trail down her soft skin. 

“I hate this. Why does it have to be this way…? Why-“, she stopped mid-sentence to recollect the dispersed thoughts in her mind that oftentimes filled her being with despair and helplessness.

She was almost convinced now that she was utterly delirious to have been resolute that this could work. She lifted her head and almost chuckled bitterly at how ridiculous it was. Still, there was no denial in the fact that she wanted this with all her might. She always had.

The universe must be laughing at her unfortunate fate. Such raw intensity she felt throughout her being, a troubled sense of anguish and belonging that promised to conduct her down the path of madness eventually. She had never belonged. Not until him. Feeling this way every time she set her eyes on him was torture, a customised purgatory designed uniquely to drive her insane. Perhaps she deserved it; perhaps no reformation could fix her at this point.

“You knew we were doomed from the very first moment we met. You felt it. I definitely did. We tried, but it is of no use. Nothing really is at this point”, he said in a neutral, firm voice.

She then looked back at him, droplets threatening to stream down her countenance. He closed his eyes momentarily and sighed, then reopened them and looked at her intently, with a deep genuineness that made her shiver

“I am sorry," he then continued, “Believe me when I tell you that if it were in my power, I would throw down this barrier that has always been imposed between the two of us, just to never see those tears on your face ever again. To make us happen. But you have to let me go. There is a whole world waiting for you. You have to let yourself be and go for it. I will always be watching over you, adoring you with every fiber of my being. Do not doubt that.”

The girl shook her head frantically and whispered, weeping, “I can’t…do not make me do this, please…” She attempted to dry her tears away, her body trembling slightly, as she continued, “We could find a way, who knows if-“

“No”, he said, “There is nothing to amend this, and you know that as much as I do. Let us have that peace at least, set us free from the agony of this back and forth. This is a dead end, and I really wish there was a way out, but there is none. So do it. Move on and live the life you deserve.”

A few moments passed, and then, she slowly nodded and said in a hushed voice, “I love you…please know that. I have always loved you, and I will keep doing so until my last breath is consumed”, she managed to say through her tears, her voice trembling with a wrenching affliction.

“I know. I know you do. I will always be with you, one way or another, whether in your mind or soul, but always with you. I will not let you rest, I will haunt you if necessary.” —he looked at her ever so devotedly, attempting to get her to smile. He adored whenever he could make those soft lips of hers curve upwards, to make her happy. Yet his gaze also wore a pained, weary burden of heaviness, a product of the path that had led them here.

She softly sniffed and wiped her tears with the back of her hand. She did not smile this time. Her expression was one of distress, clearly overwhelmed. But before she started having second thoughts, she closed her book with a sharp thud and pressed it tightly to her chest. 

Books had always been home for her. Not her own household, not even her own family. It was always books that guided her to a different world, one in which she had no need to withstand any shouting, no humiliation, no solace or loneliness. She could let herself feel anything she would not dare to feel in the dreadful outside world. She felt safe. Loved.

Sunrays were beaming, their lively light contrasting with the obscurity that was slowly seeping inside her heart. She had to squint her eyes, feeling compelled to lie down comfortably on the freshly cut grass. 

She closed her eyes for a brief moment, annoyingly plucking a fistful of grass blades at her sides while bringing herself to tolerate this mundane penitent quietness. She did not like it. At all. She felt as if she could not breathe properly, but forced herself to. She had to, right? Perhaps she was not as strong as she thought she was.

Is this better?, the girl thought to herself, as if pointlessly hoping he could hear her voice in his mind too. Is this solitude better than trying, although being miserable and risking everything for it? Is this what you wanted? 

She could’ve sworn she had felt right there a momentary, slight caress on her cheek. A sentiment of hope, although fleeting, stirred within her. She instantly opened her eyes, only to be greeted by the dull blue sky above her.

How could a wishful remembrance feel this real?